Catwoman

For the second guest review, I thought it would be fun to ask someone I "met" on Twitter, rather by accident, last fall. Much to my surprise and delight, he was up for the challenge. He is the author of the excellent historical fiction novel Gladiatrix, which I recommend if, like he, you have an interest in ancient Greek and Roman history. Even if you don't, it's a great read.

As is my custom with these guest reviews, I gave him the choice of what movie we should review. His choice rather caught me by surprise.

LANISTA'S "ONLY AS BAD AS I WANNA BE" REVIEW:

Veering sharply away from comic canon, Pitof’s 2004 movie Catwoman is the story of mild-mannered but put upon graphic artist Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) who – because of a selfless act – is miraculously saved from death by a messenger of the Egyptian cat goddess Bast. On her “awakening” she discovers that she is imbued with mystical powers that transform her from timid designer to the ferociously sexy Catwoman.

Catwoman’s basic plot is very simple. Sure, Patience has wasted her artistic talent working for a giant cosmetic company but that doesn’t stop her from being a nice person – as is proven when she risks life and limb to save a cat that appears to be stuck outside her apartment window. However, it’s Patience that needs rescuing in the end as the cat (typically) wanders off, leaving Patience stuck on the ledge, hundreds of feet from the ground.

Enter heroic cop, Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt in full-on charm mode) who saves the day and takes a shine to Patience, pursuing the shy artist till she agrees to go on a date with him. A good thing, then, that her personal life is on the up as her professional one takes a downturn. Patience’s corporate asshole boss is not happy with her work and demands that she “redo the work by midnight!”

Which – to her credit – she does. However, on returning to the office, she finds it locked and endeavors to find another way in. She does, but unwittingly stumbles upon a clandestine meeting between her boss (a sneering Lambert Wilson), his ex-supermodel girlfriend (Sharon Stone) and the scientist behind the company’s newest product which has been proven to reverse the skins aging process. As successful as it is, we discover that the balm is both addictive and destructive - if a user manages to “come off” the stuff, their skin cells begin to deteriorate with horrifying results.

Sadly for Patience, she is overheard trying to escape and goons are dispatched to “take care of her,” which they do by flushing her out of waste pipe into the icy depths of the river below. So our heroine is killed at the end of the first act…or is she?

Washed up on shore, Patience’s corpse is surrounded by cats and one (called Midnight) - specifically the one she attempted to save in the movie’s first reel - breathes the spirit of Bast into her, giving her powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men (and women).

Midnight the magic cat sticks around and leads Patience to the mysterious Ophelia Powers who tells her of her new abilities and how “Catwomen” have existed throughout history (which ties in neatly with the movies opening credits.). In this sequence there’s also a nod to movie (if not comic) canon as a photo of one of the Catwomen Ophelia shows Patience is none other than Michelle Pfeiffer’s Selena Kyle in her PVC getup, though it should be noted this is a fleeting glimpse and doesn’t in anyway attempt to tie this move to Batman Retruns.

Whilst Patience comes to terms with her new found powers, we discover that asshole boss is two-timing Sharon Stone (how dare he!). In a fit of pique, Sharon crushes a glass in her hand and we see that her skin is not damaged in the slightest. So – the byproduct of not stopping use of the age-cure is marble-hard skin.

From here, the story is satisfyingly predictable – Catwoman learns to use her powers, Catwoman kicks some ass, Patience tries to reconcile her new self in her relationship to Tom, Catwoman kicks some more ass till she takes down – well – everyone who did her wrong. And naturally there’s girl-fight with marble-hard Sharron Stone – which is heaps of fun to watch, full of snarling, hissing an needless (but fun) comic-style dialogue.

On its release, Catwoman was vilified by fans and critics alike: for me, they’ve rather missed the point. Clearly, Catwoman didn’t set out to be Batman – it’s not a dark movie, no matter how much ravening fan-boys wanted it to be (note to fan-boys – don’t like movies about your favorite characters? Get off your fat asses and start writing movie scripts instead of writing movie script length whining posts on internet forums).

The director, Pitof, has set his stall out by changing his Catwoman from Selena to Patience – this is not Gotham City, Batman isn’t mentioned – it has nothing to do with Burton’s or Nolan’s Bat-verse at all. In other words, it’s set out as a non-canon movie, unrelated to Batman. In the same way that the “Krytpo the Superdog” cartoon doesn’t affect Superman comic-book canon.

Simply – Catwoman is harmless piece of stand-alone popcorn entertainment that doesn’t tax the brain and is for the most part extremely easy on the eye. Halle Berry in a revealing leather outfit was always going to be an easy sell, and the decidedly coniferous Sharon Stone as the aging yet ageless supermodel was an inspired casting choice.

There are some toe-curling moments in the movie – Berry channeling Eartha Kitt was unnecessary and embarrassing, the CGI is pretty dated in places and the third act is something of a let down following some excellent buildup. There has been a lot of criticism leveled at the dialogue – and whilst it is littered with comic-book clichés I find myself wondering why this is somehow a flaw in a light entertainment comic-book flick. But really, these are minor gripes that don’t detract from the overall trashy and fun ride the movie provides.

Catwoman also does some great work on the character’s origin: the whole “cat mysticism” shtick was very interesting and does provide us with a reason why Catwoman behaves the way that she does – it think this would have been built upon more in a follow-up movie (in 2006, Berry said she’d do a sequel if the studio had “learned from the mistakes of the first one”). It’s a shame that this film was so wrongly perceived when it came out – it’s one of the first films I can think of that really suffered at the hands of bitter, life-needing nerds on the Internet, so its more likely we’ll see Catwoman next in Nolan’s threequel than a Berry sequel.

In the final analysis, Catwoman succeeds on just about every level – it’s irreverent, schlocky, trashy, sexy and gobs of fun - and it has a ballsy, girl-power ending which flies in the face of Hollywood convention –for that alone the movie deserves a second chance.

Just don’t watch it expecting it to be Batman Begins.

**** out of *****

GREEN'S "TIME TO ACCESSORIZE" REVIEW:

Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) works for a cosmetics conglomerate in the art department. She is shy and meek and lacking in self confidence. When she overhears something she shouldn't have, she is chased down and ultimately killed. She is brought back to life by the breath of a mysterious cat called Midnight, who had been following her around for days. In addition to her life, she is given both a curse and a blessing: cat-like powers. Now Patience must come to grips with who she is and what she has become just in time to bring down the bad guys. Oh, there's a handsome police officer (Benjamin Bratt) who is falling in love with her....

In order to better enjoy this movie you must put aside your preconceived ideas about what you know of the Catwoman character. Even though it borrows from the Catwomen characters of the past, this is a new incarnation, and each actress has brought her own mojo to the role. Sort of like the reinvention of James Bond with each actor that takes on the role, or with each actor that has played Batman, from Adam West to Michael Keaton to Val Kilmer to George Clooney to Christian Bale. Notable is that this is the first incarnation of Catwoman without a Batman anywhere to be found, at least that I can see. This is not the catwoman but one of many catwomen to have lived throughout history, or so we are told.

Make no mistake, this film is about one thing and one thing only: Halle Berry in that skimpy little leather cat costume. Not that there is anything wrong with that. She certainly does no harm to the sexiness of the character. Sharon Stone is an adequate villain here, though she has played better 'bad guys' in the past. Benjamin Bratt plays to form as the good cop trying to figure it all out. He can't seem to shake this kind of role, which he cemented for himself in his Law and Order television years.

The story formula is pretty common and does nothing to distinguish itself, or as one reviewer on amazon.com wrote: "The movie's script and visual style are as fresh as used kitty litter." Some of the CGI work is more obvious than it should be, which isn't good. I've never heard of French director Pitof and am not familiar with his other work, thus I have nothing to compare this film to.

The good thing about a film like this is that the actors (and crew) must know no awards will be won in the making of the movie and seem to have signed on just for the fun of it. Halle Berry herself said (in one of the excellent special features included on the DVD) that she wanted this role for the simple pleasure of playing the iconic Catwoman character.

Going in I had never seen this film before and probably wouldn't have otherwise, based on the bad reviews it received had and its apparent box office failure ($100 million to make, only $40M in revenue), listed as the 6^th biggest flop of the 2000's.

However, if you take the movie for what it is meant to be; namely a puff piece meant for fun, it's not as bad as you might think.

**½ out of *****

Catwoman (2004, PG-13, 104 minutes) starring Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson, Alex Borstein and Frances Conroy. Based on a character by Bob Kane. Story by Theresa Rebeck, John Brancato and Michael Ferris. Screenplay by John Brancato, Michael Ferris and John Rogers. Directed by Pitof.