The Girl Next Door

SCRIBE'S THANK GOD FOR TIMOTHY OLYPHANT REVIEW:

Green wanted me to see this movie so badly he bought it and mailed it to me. Apparently, he thought I’d enjoy it as much as he did because of my love for the adult film industry… OK, not the industry but the product it churns out. Sadly, I didn’t get around to watching it right away or we would’ve already posted our reviews weeks ago.

Being the happy go lucky contrarian I am, I wanted to hate this movie. I wanted to scribe a harsh and negative review and shock Green with my outrage. Instead, I had a mixed response to the film mostly having to do with some odd choices on the part of the screenwriters and the female lead.

“The Girl Next Door” is the tale of a teenage geek in the fine Hollywood tradition. In other words, the only thing that makes him a geek is his acting and dialogue as he looks like a teen model made to appear less than cool. We also know he’s a geek because his far less attractive friends are uber-dorks with libidos the size of SUV’s.

The protagonist has a bright future ahead of him what with the overachieving and the potential scholarship, etc. Then some chick moves in next door and rocks his world. It’s love at first leer for our intrepid geek and, through a set of circumstances a bit too contrived to be believable, he and the neighbor wind up going out in what is the weakest scene in the film. Basically, since he peeped her from his window, she forces him to get nekkid in the street because, as we all know, a shy teen would do that in a minute.

Earlier in the film, the kid joins a posse of rowdier party goers in an effort to experience life before he graduates and causes a cop to crash into a nearby truck. This is never mentioned or referenced again. Slipshod writing like this plagues the film’s first forty awkward and slow-moving minutes. Elisha Cuthbert’s “acting” is dreadful in this portion of the film. Literally all she does is pose for the camera, grin stupidly and try to look sexy. She’s not sexy. Sorry, Green.

Somewhere near the 40-minute mark, something truly miraculous occurs: a real actor shows up! One of my favorites, actually. “Deadwood’s” Timothy Olyphant is (Cuthbert’s) agent/producer/former love interest in a performance that is at turns funny, scary and just plain cool.

The screenwriters must be commended on realizing what a weak first act they had and doing something other teen-related films don’t. The big reveal of (Cuthbert) being a porn star and the subsequent break-up/attempt to reconnect occurs early on and doesn’t work out well for the protagonist. This would have been the end of any other film.

It’s a good thing the writers had more to say because Cuthbert’s unconvincing portrayal of a former porn star becomes really grating after a while. Even in a role like this one, we need a bit more than a pair of doe-like eyes and a nice (fake) rack. The character is meant to be three-dimensional and human but the actor playing her seems to be lacking in those areas.

Once Olyphant arrives, the film picks up considerably. Sub-plots and surprises galore come at the viewer with surprising speed and intelligence. The horrific opening act is buried in good acting (except Cuthbert) and a storyline that is interesting enough to carry it to its predictable but satisfying conclusion.

*** out of *****

The third star is for Olyphant ONLY ‘cause he is da man!!!
Shut up! I do NOT have a man-crush shut up shut up!!!

GREEN'S "THE JUICE IS DEFINITELY WORTH THE SQUEEZE" REVIEW:

When I first saw this movie in the library, I wasn't really interested in checking it out because I thought it would be stupid. Even though I kept seeing it on the shelf I kept passing it over, opting for something else. Finally overcoming my fear of zero expectations, curiosity got the better of me. Obviously.

After I watched it, I was going to review it over on my regular blog when it hit me that a pornish kind of film such as this would be perfect for the scribester's tastes. When I suggested we review this movie to him and after he told me he looked but couldn't get it from his lousy local library, I was decidedly disappointed.

About a month or so ago a store I frequently shop at not only had this movie for the first time I could recall but they had it in the unrated extended version to boot. (They still had copies on the shelf as of last Friday.) I was surprised and pleased; so much so that I bought it and offered to mail it to the scribester, since the price was near to unbeatable. After some hesitation, scribe agreed and gave me his address. Off it went the very next day.

This is not your typical high school teen angst type of film. Okay it is. Sort of. The difference is what this movie has, unlike some other teen films, is a good story behind it that happens to take place in a high school setting. On the one hand you have Matthew (Emile Hirsch), the straight-laced, Georgetown-bound high school class president. On the other hand you have Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert), a teenager who has grown up too fast and wants to reclaim her life by getting away from the very thing that made her grow up too fast. The other major characters are perfect. Matthew's geeky best friends, Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitz (Paul Dano) and Danielle's porn-film producer Kelly (Timothy Olyphant) who steals every scene with his pimped out, over the top performance. Did I mention that Elisha Cuthbert is drop dead gorgeous in this movie? (Wow, shocker that scribe-o-rama disagrees with me on this.) Kind of makes me want to start watching "24" y'know? And I'm going to do just that, too. Bought the first three seasons already...

There were parts of this movie that were extremely funny and other parts that were funny because they were so rediculously stupid. I had never heard of director Luke Greenfield before, but he does a good job here. The story has a good pace to it and doesn't drag at all.

No need to worry, folks; the unrated version only includes about thirty seconds of extra nudity and sexual footage, without adding anything significant to the running time of the R-rated theatrical cut. Specifically, the unrated version substitutes steamier footage into the film Eli watches while talking to Matt on the phone, removes some digitized bikinis in the strip-club scene and has a more threatening scene between Matt and Kelly. What you don't see is more of star Elisha Cuthbert. She explains, in one of the scenes she gives a commentary for, that she didn't want do any nude scenes.

The unrated DVD version also has a few more special features than the R rated version, which I enjoyed.

Sure the movie, for the most part is predictable. None the less, this is a much better movie than I expected it to be (no expectations going in except for the curiosity factor), which is why I've added it to my very own DVD library.

**** out of *****